Wednesday, October 6, 2010

World number 1 Pest

When we entered the new millennium, humans have begun evolving at exponential rates, especially technologically. We aren't the only species to do so though. Silently, some organisms of this world have slowly begun evolving too.

And out of those...there is one that has caused us great suffering. One that has evolved to bring a whole new meaning to the term 'annoying'.


It is to my believes that mosquitoes have evolved to be able to sense brain waves of it's potential killer-wannabes. Over the many generations of their fore fathers that ended up being flattened or poisoned, they have honed their survival skills to the highest form of sensing killing intent. Or your stares. Or even your thoughts of wanting to search them out. More familiarly known to us as "spider sense".

And from this belief, i came to derive a categorization of the new breed of mosquitoes that has been identified for now.

The Common Mosquito
Numbered are the days of this dumb breed of mosquitoes that have "SMACK ME" written all over their tiny bodies. Count your blessings if you ever encounter any of this type as it is rare indeed.

Traits: Slow fliers. Is always in plain sight. Slow in reacting.

Danger level: Lowest

Difficulty level: Lowest

The Kamikaze Samurai
You sure as hell better wish you spot this one quick and get rid of it before these little pesky warriors end up dealing A LOT OF DAMAGE before committing suicide in the fan or escaping; Depending on when they are discovered. This breed ignores all external forces and aims to only to deal the most amount of annoyance to you. They laugh at the face of danger. No amount of wind or leg-shakes will deter these blood thirsty bastards. They cling so hard to you that you can huff and puff at them to no avail. Good thing about that is that they are quite easy to kill once spotted. Also, makes sloppy escape attempts to dark places. Once found, easily disposed off due to sluggishness after the attacks.

Traits: Sticks to you like a magnet. More movement from you = more hits from them. Earth, storm and fire is no deterrent.

Danger level: Medium

Difficulty level: Easy

The Resistance Fighter
These mofos ignore the use of mosquito coils and the likes. No amount of poison will stop them in their tracks. Very annoying once you lure yourself into the false security of setting up your safety parameters only to have it useless in the face of these shits. Changing to another brand of mosquito repellent helps slow them down for a couple of days. Will usually strike when you are sleeping after setting up your parameters.

Traits: Highly resistant to mosquito coils. Speed might be lowered with use of mosquito coils.

Danger level: Medium

Difficulty level: Tough

The Ninja
True to the art of ninjutsu, you practically almost can't spot these @$HOLES! Now you see them, *blinks* now you don't. They are one with the shadows. Any terrain is useful to them as camouflage. They have also honed their senses to the highest level and is the most sensitive among the others towards brainwaves. You swear that you are looking at your legs the whole time, and still fail to notice them stinging you where everything is in plain sight. They can bend light around them to completely mask their presence. They can annoy you the whole night and still get away with it only to annoy you again the next day. Only time you can catch them off guard is during the day, if you know where to look for them.

Traits: Extremely hard to spot. Has the highest mind reading abilities.

Danger level: Shit hits the fan.

Difficulty level: You are better off giving up and conserving energy than hunting them.

The Pack Wolves
Sonofabi- this one takes the cake. They swarm over you in not less than 5 (usually more) and confuses you in an attempt to focus on any one of them. Chances are you'll be flinging away trying to get rid of this deadly swarm than to target any single unit for killing. By the time you've scattered them away, they've already landed a few bites on you. Once split, they will fall into their own sub categories of those mentioned above.

Traits: Pack mentality to overwhelm you. Difficult to shake off.

Danger level: An addition or multiple of the danger levels the pack consists of.

Difficulty level: OH SHI-

The Illusionist
The imaginary mosquitoes. They are REALLY not there but it's just you...becoming phobic and feels like there is something fluttering in between the crevices and contours of your body. Appears when you have been annoyed for far too long and your tolerance threshold has been breached.

Traits: You feel something touching the hairs of your body. You imagine mosquitoes lurking in the shadows.

Danger level: You've gone mental.

Difficulty level: Takes a few days of mosquito free environment to heal.

*all types possess a certain amount of brainwave reading, except for maybe the common mosquito that existed way before the millennium.

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