Tuesday, November 24, 2009

i wonder if...

...i am asking too much from myself.
i seek perfection in skills.
i seek to polish it to the highest degree.
i seek to accomplish it at the shortest time possible. [insert heuristic/greedy algorithm]

Why am i always racing against myself. Rationally i know that improvement comes with practice and time. Yet why am i so eager to prove to myself that i could, would and should reach perfection asap. Learning is life-long so perfection is close to impossible i suppose. There's this chinese saying along the lines of

"there is always a mountain higher than you, but do not forget that there is also a trail of mountains behind you"

i'm always willing to go that extra mile which stretches me thin sometimes, but still improvement comes too slowly or not at all. Is it because of the standards which i set too highly for myself? i'm not too sure, it just feels like i've reached a stagnant stage.

i know i was not born talented and i blame no one, but still it fills me with envy at times when i do meet such talents that require less effort than neccessary. Well, maybe i'm just disillusioning myself by only seeing the end result but not the things happening behind the scenes.

Oh well, i shouldn't be looking at it this way. Instead i might have other areas of specialties. (like my inherent skill to annoy those around me without effort)

Nothing much i can do about it i guess, except to continue to work hard and prosper. (hopefully)

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