There's Always a Bitch on the Side of the Coin You Flip

Client commands friend.

Gets request from friend to improve design.

Spends time help friend out.

Client rejects & returns to original design.

Payment forfeited.

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You awesome local companies. Artists breathe in air to fill stomach.

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Gets a rare tempting/delicious request, have not the time for it.

Gets shitty requests, have too much time to not take it up.

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Life you trolling like a bauss. fml...

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Charge reasonably for requests.

Gets no requests.

Clients complain too expensive.

Clients haggle price.

Charge cheaper.

Gets request.

Clients expect effort level on par with reasonable charge.

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Cheap, fast & awesome. All 3 are mutually exclusive. Choose 2 at stretchable most.

Bastards...

Nostalgia

"Your answer, lies with this rod that i'm about to probe into you"

Sometimes i go through some of my old articles and wonder to myself, "Wow, what an interesting life i used to have," although back then life was much more hectic with the constant indoctrination to myself that 'I had no life'.

I always feel that my life thus far has been quite a normal one with little excitement to it or none. In retrospect, there had been plenty of moments that i realized now, with a little longing, that i will forever cherish within my very being. My memory is not an excellent one to store every bit of it, so i'm starting to feel thankful to my past self for diligently updating journal entries like a little personal diary to my future self.

So recently i ponder to myself, has the color in my life started turning shades of grey? Things are happening daily that makes my life not at all idle and boring, but rarely have i made any memorable moments yet to be cherished. I constantly wish to hit the rewind button, to return to the past where my happy carefree self dwells without giving a sh*t to the world.

But of course, i'm just one of those who are reverberating the sentiments of a vast majority of individuals. I need to do a bit of self-reflection and start searching for the answers to regain the vibrant color pallet that i seemingly washed away.

Gain Some, Lose Some

Lately, almost a year after graduating, i realized that what i learnt in college was just the tip of an iceberg. I'm slowly beginning to become aware of a lot of things that weren't clear to me while i was still learning them in classes.

Probably, that might be due to the nature of the education system i went through - tight deadlines, and meeting the expectations of others rather than self. i found that it was hampering actual learning abilities during those times. But it might not be entirely the system's fault, as i feel that i was pretty slow in picking up new things as well.

Thankfully i had at least been introduced to how certain things should be done. The rest is mostly up to myself to find out and improve on. What was really useful was the exposure to certain methodologies that i find most important of all during my years of education.

In retrospect, i was lucky that i tried my utmost when doing my stuff, although at times the task was not up to my liking. Thanks to that the pointers given then has slowly resurfaced to a new understanding.

In the process of polishing the areas that i need working on right now, i realized too that some of the things that i could do years back, i might not be able to do so easily now. Part of me wishes to retain those old skills, but that just pins me down to my comfort zone.

I guess i should stop worrying about that anyway and start focusing on strengthening my basics for now. There's still a lot i need to explore on, and it is truly fortunate to have many peers and seniors that are guiding me along the way. I do hope to reach their standards one day.

The road is still long, but step by step i will try to reach the end. At my own pace.

Time and again

Whoa it's already been about 3 years since the existence of this blog. Time flies when i'm busy not noticing it. Looking back, i sometimes ponder to myself how much have i changed since those embarrassing entrees. Years down the road from now, i might still be thinking the same. Guess this is part of growth again.

Time to time, i feel like putting in an entree for this blog, but always tend to procrastinate it because it felt cumbersome to log into this account. (I was permanently logged into my youtube account, and this blog was on a diff account...) But then since i utilize 2 web browsers these days, i thought why not log in permanently for the other browser.

Hence, a feeble attempt right now to resuscitate this sad sad forgotten corner of the internetz. This blog's purpose has changed over the passing of moons, from WIP step-by-step entrees to personal diary, and then to rants & whines, and back to dumping some doodles occasionally when i feel like it. I'm not so sure what sort of whim and fancies will pop up now that i have decided to revive this redundant space. Maybe a short update on what i have been up to in the duration of MIA.

Hopefully though, i have less of an excuse to not drop entrees now that i have gotten rid of the cumbersome log in problem.

Ni Hao

Mandarin...

Hell...it's like a staple here everyday...
Think i've spoken enough of it to make up for the lost time in my past.

Less stuttering, but still... my mind works faster than my mouth these days.
Gotta brush up my speaking skillz.

Zai Jian.

A New Beginning

2 months since my last update. I've been catching up with lost time after all these years. Finally managed to catch a breather. Doing the most mundane of things these days are superbly satisfying. Spending quality time with family, catching up with friends, reading, that occasional light gaming moment, etc. I'm no longer so bound by time that I have to worry over every second lost which draws me closer to my impending doom of deadlines.




It feels good to be among the living again...




...only regret is that my drive to produce new works has waned with the passing of my education. I would have to seek out my inner lover again.

Awakening

Lecturer LW once said that he truly picked up a certain set of skills about a year after he first learned it. He told us to bid our time and we will eventually come to see fruit too. I am finally able to relate to what he meant then, as I too, am beginning to familiarize with those skills although i have not touched it for ages. I guess as I went along i must have polished it without knowing it and eventually came to a sudden realization to its application. I am far from mastery but at least I am grasping it. Ancora Imparo - I am still learning.

Signing off with a quick 30 mins doodle of Hakutaku Keine from Touhou.

Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Cuelloween! i want to be the lollipop (*´Д`) =3 -3 =3

Happy Halloween peepz.

Nothing much to be happy about though. We don't celebrate it much here hmm? definitely coz its origins are western so yeah. The Celtic equivalent of version of Hungry Ghost Festival or something.

Still, i have always enjoyed myself for this Festive and still will for some time to go. I think i mentioned this before so i'll spare you the details.

Anyways, enjoy my annual 'pumpkin' carving session.

1. Select a fresh pumpkin in a shape that pleases me.

2. Mark the necessaries in preparation of carving.


3. Cut off the top and start scooping the stuff outta the pumpkin.


4. Follow the pattern made earlier as i cut my way through the pumpkin.


5. Remove the cut outs and do further refining to the pumpkin.


6. Place the lighting inside the pumpkin to create an eerie glow.

Adios while i show off my newly carved pumpkin.
You can carve your own pumpkins too!

Happiness

Happiness...i think it has been quite a while since i really felt true happiness. i am content and happy with life the way it is now, but not quite the kind of "WOOHOOO I'M SO HAPPY MY ENDORPHINS ARE OVERFLOWING!!!!!1111 PEACE!!!" -orgasmic kind of happiness. i have great difficulty recalling when was the last time i really felt that way.

Closest i get to this feeling is of when i have achieved a goal or target i personally imposed on myself. But still not quite there yet. Even after i received some pretty good news that i was looking forward to for this whole year, i wasn't even near that level of elated-ness. (i'll disclose what this particular event is after some stuff has been finalized)

So, yea. Is this part of the process of growing up? Little little things that can make you go hyper previously just makes you go meh now. I'm not exactly an uncle or grandpa yet to say that i have seen it all, but basically my outlook on life is pretty neutral at this stage. Nothing to look forward to, just going with the flow kind of thing.

Maybe this will all change when i find my other half, but i'm not lamenting on the absence of it. In fact i'm pretty comfy the way i am now. Still, i guess i'll never know how far i can go by finding that other half. Think i'll just let things be and go with the wind.

World number 1 Pest

When we entered the new millennium, humans have begun evolving at exponential rates, especially technologically. We aren't the only species to do so though. Silently, some organisms of this world have slowly begun evolving too.

And out of those...there is one that has caused us great suffering. One that has evolved to bring a whole new meaning to the term 'annoying'.

Mosquitoes...

It is to my believes that mosquitoes have evolved to be able to sense brain waves of it's potential killer-wannabes. Over the many generations of their fore fathers that ended up being flattened or poisoned, they have honed their survival skills to the highest form of sensing killing intent. Or your stares. Or even your thoughts of wanting to search them out. More familiarly known to us as "spider sense".

And from this belief, i came to derive a categorization of the new breed of mosquitoes that has been identified for now.

The Common Mosquito
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Numbered are the days of this dumb breed of mosquitoes that have "SMACK ME" written all over their tiny bodies. Count your blessings if you ever encounter any of this type as it is rare indeed.

Traits: Slow fliers. Is always in plain sight. Slow in reacting.

Danger level: Lowest

Difficulty level: Lowest


The Kamikaze Samurai
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You sure as hell better wish you spot this one quick and get rid of it before these little pesky warriors end up dealing A LOT OF DAMAGE before committing suicide in the fan or escaping; Depending on when they are discovered. This breed ignores all external forces and aims to only to deal the most amount of annoyance to you. They laugh at the face of danger. No amount of wind or leg-shakes will deter these blood thirsty bastards. They cling so hard to you that you can huff and puff at them to no avail. Good thing about that is that they are quite easy to kill once spotted. Also, makes sloppy escape attempts to dark places. Once found, easily disposed off due to sluggishness after the attacks.

Traits: Sticks to you like a magnet. More movement from you = more hits from them. Earth, storm and fire is no deterrent.

Danger level: Medium

Difficulty level: Easy


The Resistance Fighter
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These mofos ignore the use of mosquito coils and the likes. No amount of poison will stop them in their tracks. Very annoying once you lure yourself into the false security of setting up your safety parameters only to have it useless in the face of these shits. Changing to another brand of mosquito repellent helps slow them down for a couple of days. Will usually strike when you are sleeping after setting up your parameters.

Traits: Highly resistant to mosquito coils. Speed might be lowered with use of mosquito coils.

Danger level: Medium

Difficulty level: Tough


The Ninja
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True to the art of ninjutsu, you practically almost can't spot these @$HOLES! Now you see them, *blinks* now you don't. They are one with the shadows. Any terrain is useful to them as camouflage. They have also honed their senses to the highest level and is the most sensitive among the others towards brainwaves. You swear that you are looking at your legs the whole time, and still fail to notice them stinging you where everything is in plain sight. They can bend light around them to completely mask their presence. They can annoy you the whole night and still get away with it only to annoy you again the next day. Only time you can catch them off guard is during the day, if you know where to look for them.

Traits: Extremely hard to spot. Has the highest mind reading abilities.

Danger level: Shit hits the fan.

Difficulty level: You are better off giving up and conserving energy than hunting them.


The Pack Wolves
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Sonofabi- this one takes the cake. They swarm over you in not less than 5 (usually more) and confuses you in an attempt to focus on any one of them. Chances are you'll be flinging away trying to get rid of this deadly swarm than to target any single unit for killing. By the time you've scattered them away, they've already landed a few bites on you. Once split, they will fall into their own sub categories of those mentioned above.

Traits: Pack mentality to overwhelm you. Difficult to shake off.

Danger level: An addition or multiple of the danger levels the pack consists of.

Difficulty level: OH SHI-


The Illusionist
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The imaginary mosquitoes. They are REALLY not there but it's just you...becoming phobic and feels like there is something fluttering in between the crevices and contours of your body. Appears when you have been annoyed for far too long and your tolerance threshold has been breached.

Traits: You feel something touching the hairs of your body. You imagine mosquitoes lurking in the shadows.

Danger level: You've gone mental.

Difficulty level: Takes a few days of mosquito free environment to heal.



*all types possess a certain amount of brainwave reading, except for maybe the common mosquito that existed way before the millennium.

Menkui

Menkui = the japanese word for being superficial/ attracted by physical looks only.

Yep, that's me at this stage. Nothing else matters as long as there's eye candy.

Don't wanna dwell on having concepts for everything. i just wanna have fun and enjoy doing what i love with no restrictions. It's ok to just ignore all else sometimes.

more WIP for the next OTACOOL entry.

my shaman character did years back

Roses are blue, Violets are violet

With some requests from friends on how i draw my roses. Once you get the idea behind it it's not so hard after all. Oh and this is only a generic rose. There are so many kinds of roses out there and each unique to itself. But fundamentally, this can be applied to most (i think)

So, here you go folks.

BREAK!!!!

HELL YEA!!!! I HAVE NEVER LOOKED FORWARD TO A BREAK SO BADLY AS THIS ROUND. I'M GONNA RECUPERATE AS MUCH AS I CAN BEFORE THE NEXT ONSLAUGHT.

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i'm learning to take things easy this round. Won't be handling commissions. Take my time doing some personal works. Daily sketching and self exploration. Gaming non stop and catching up on lost time on movies, animes & mangas. i lost my internet connection for roughly a couple of days and found that time passed by so slowly that i had ample time to do the things i liked. It's good to feel the slow pace of things again once in a while. i just totally dumped the whole workaholic mentally for the extent of this break.

i noticed now that i have urges to do more traditional works lately. Watercolor in particular. After all the enthusiasm of going purely digital now i find myself reverting to getting dirty on pencil and paper. Human nature again to long to do something that you don't have the privilege of doing anymore. It's funny how we always contradict ourselves.

Speaking of contradictions, i'm a walking contradiction myself. Like i mentioned before, way back when i was still in my teens i used to be prejudice towards stuff like gothic lolita and now i'm finding myself gaga over it. i also used to hate the color green but thanx to a certain vocaloid, i have learnt to find beauty in that color as well. It's hard to name my favorite color now if you ask me about it.

i think my strongest point in art lies in colors. Ever since it started from a hobby, i was very particular about the colors i used. So now with no particular special preference for a certain color, i find myself having a lot of fun and freedom exploring with color combinations that bring out a certain mood or impact to a picture. i'm far from perfection though, even if i perceive it to be my forte. Regardless, i just want to have fun while doing what i love best.

*ahem*
i strayed from what i really wanted to say. Anyways, back to contradictions. i think what is important is that we learn to figure out which is the side of contradictions that would help elevate us into another level. Sometimes we remain rigid about it being our 'personality' or 'habit' which defines us. Maybe due to our ego or just part of us that wishes to not change, we sometimes end up shutting ourselves up in the bad end of it. And so we stop our own growth in that aspect.

i self-reflect whenever i can and found that i have changed quite a bit over the years. i try to correct some quirks within myself to some success, while picking up other idiosyncrasies along the way. It's almost an endless loop, but that's what makes us a little bit better each time we try to confront it.

i have this feeling that i might have just turned more eccentric and twisted within my own world. But that's just me. You be the judge.

i'll end off with some step-by-steps of what i've been up to.

rough sketch

color thumb

initial base and touchup

further refinement

preliminary textures

more texture spam and final result

Based off this video and song. i endlessly looped it while working on it to get into the mood. i enjoy drawing something of this genre but i can't do it all the time as it creeps me out while i'm on it. The creepier i make it the more scared i make myself. Yes i am afraid of ghosts and horrors ._.

Repetition -> Habit

"I wake up in the morning with nothing, at the end of the day i have something" ~Christian Lorenz (Swiss artist)

That quote best describes the passion we as artists have very well. Each day we create something new and it satisfies us at the end of it. I used to think that it was a chore to draw daily and would only like to do it whenever i felt like it. That was at a time long past when i hadn't really delved myself into art college.

Although i still loathe working on my assignments at a non-stop basis, at the end of the day there is that certain satisfaction of accomplishment. In between those hectic moments i feel even more joy on having to work on my own stuff. Ever more so desperately now with the limited moments of actually not having to fulfill a deadline.

I've really become a workaholic. I feel fidgety if for a day i did not put something down on pencil and paper. I'll end up sleeping that night feeling guilt and remorse for having done nothing productive. It's quite hard to take it easy but at least i have started to learn how to minimize my stress levels when necessary.

On another note, art block is hard to come by these days as i always do have something i would wanna do. Sure squeezing out ideas for assignments ain't always a walk in park but it gets easier and easier with familiarity. As for personal works, i have too much on my mind to really get any art block. Just that i lack the time to create those pieces i have stored somewhere in the parts of my brain that aren't filled with porn nonsensical whims.

Anyways, i have been getting myself involved in quite a few competitions this sem. I'm quite surprised to find out that i didn't suffer burnout as badly as the previous sems. It seems that the more i do works for myself, the more energized i would be for a while. It keeps me happy although i know i might be sacrificing much of my time for sleep, play, and etc. I even concentrate and work faster on my assignments after that -_-;;

Oh well, signing off for now. Bz bz bz with life that i don't update this place as much as i would love to. Ranting about negative stuff would be easy but this would just make my blog a gloomy place to drop by. I'll also end up sounding like a whiny biatch. Sooooo yea. Lately it's turning out to be more like a diary for myself.

Have some random quicky of my mascot girl here while i go back to living my sad existence. Abusing textures and using colors i seldom use is fun.

Dat ass...

Mocking Bird

Do not mock or condemn the person who make mistakes. Instead think about how you would feel if you were in that position. Learn from the mistakes instead and thank that person for the lesson.

Striving

Striving to improve...that is what that has been going on with me since the beginning of this year. I understand not the urgency of it but something clicked within me and suddenly, time passes so fast and it's already July.

Time is something relative, and even in cultural studies we learnt that time can be elastic. It seems to pass by relatively faster when one immerses self in work. Once, i had the experience of having to suffer the loss of my computer for a few days, making it almost impossible for me to do any work. In that duration, time moved so slow that it felt totally awkward to someone like me whose days passes by in the blink of an eye. The day seemed to last longer and i was constantly checking the time at intervals to find that it ticks by so slowly.

Now i'm back into the hectic routine work i do for assignments...hell it feels as if someone is snatching away time from me. I have to sacrifice a lot of sleep to work on personal development and am constantly looking for ways to improve in both creativity and skill.

Why so serious?
Maybe because i feel inadequate to join the industry with my current level. I'm about to graduate in another half a year or so and i feel insecure. I suppose i'm not the first to be thinking in such a way but i can't help it. Just hope for the best i guess and try to lessen that insecurity with preparation, which i think i am trying to now.

It disheartens me a bit to know that before art school, my self study was much more efficient up to a certain level. Without guidance at that time, i had to rely alot of guess work and interpretation to get somewhere with my works. I have freedom of time to slowly analyze and learn from other artists.

Eventually though, i hit a wall and could not proceed further for i was without guidance on 'correct' art concepts. I virtually learnt nothing about art during my schooling days up to high school, simply because the schools i have been never truly emphasized art. So it was quite a handicap there.

"Take out your artblocks class, today we draw gotong-royong".

That was about it...no pointers on how to mix your colors, nothing about the color wheel, nothing about composition, nothing about proportional anatomical studies, nothing about the types of mediums and the techniques to use em. At the end of the day we usually end up doing abstract art pieces which even i wasn't very proud of.

And so, it was really a struggle for me in the first 2 years of being in art college. Everything was so new and raw to me. Especially working the traditional way of color pencils, gauche, acrylics and even using the most basic of tools, the pencil. It was fun but truly stressful moment for me with unfamiliarity of tools since i have been self learning only digitally.

Anyways, i thought that art school would start bringing me into new heights with the right guidance. But sadly, not so in some ways.

As i was saying earlier on, i had more time to do analyzing when i was learning myself. It seems that luxury is no longer possible in art school. Everything i ever get trained on is speed. Speed in meeting deadlines. That way most of the time i took shortcuts and was not truly able understand fully the work that i am assigned with sometimes. It is not wrong since commercial works have harsh demands on speed these days. But i felt that i am learning even less this way. I just wish that the college would lighten up a bit but then that would be another problem in itself again.

i do at times look back at my pre-college works with awe and wonder to myself how i managed to achieve something of that magnitude at that time. Truth be told i hold a higher value to my older stuff although it is lacking in skills and looks fugly. I still feel endeared to them and treasure them like my own children. Maybe because it was the amount of effort i put into them. Although the concepts were not strong and i was lacking in the correct art sense, the process of building it painstakingly might have been the key to its perceived added value. I can easily rebuild something of that same quality or better with 10 times the speed now, but sadly the feeling will be different.

So i ponder to myself sometimes. Was it a right move from my part to bring myself to come to art college? would it have been better to just do self learning, taking a longer time but gaining much more out of it? what would it have been like if i just treated this as a hobby? Questions that might never have answers to them but that is just how it is. Regrets only serve to pull oneself down so i would just have to console myself that this is for the best.

The Road Not Taken. ~Robert Frost

Introverts Vs Extroverts

Introverts usually get a bad rap from extroverts. They are often defined in a negative way: shy, lacking in confidence and social skills, withdrawn, etc. Extroverts often can't understand why someone would happily decline an invitation to a party so they can stay at home on their own.

Never has there been an article i read which comes across explaining what i've always wanted to express but couldn't word it down properly. Upon completion of reading this post , i hope you will understand my kind much better.

Extroverts gains energy from interacting with others, which is why they love going to parties. Put an extrovert in an empty house, and chances are that he will be itching to get out and make contact with others fairly quickly.

Introverts, on the other hand, would feel extremely comfortable spending time on their own, because they gain energy from being alone and reflecting, and expend energy when interacting.

Suffice to say that we are the exact polar opposites of each other. I respect the choices of extroverts (ETs) wanting to hang out more often, so i hope the same respect can be shown to introverts(ITs). Exerting yourselves to get an IT to participate is just being mean to the other party if he chooses not to be participative.

One activity that's designed to torture introverts, while providing a spotlight for the extroverts, is karaoke. ... I sat with my fellow introverts and hoped that I could get through the session simply by singing through along during some of the choruses.

Hell yea, what the heack is with Karaoke. Beg as you must for me to participate in one, i will never compromise to put myself in a situation which is awkward to both me and the ETs. I was once cheated to enter with a group of friends before. It was pure torture from the 18th level of hell. I never kept in contact those friends anymore.

Things were going well until one of the ETs felt that they needed to hear an IT solo.

Obviously, some ITs would reject the offer if they aren't feeling up to it, to which ETs will with sadistic glee use quotes like

"Don't be such spoil sports!"
"Come on! Just this once we'll like to hear you do it!"

i say to you, F*CK YOU! i don't usually endorse using foul language in my entries, but that is how pissed i am with incessant annoyances coming from ETs. LEAVE US BE WHEN WE FEEL LIKE WE WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

After a suitable period of time, I excused myself and made to take my leave. Almost immediately, one of the other ITs stood up and announced that she had to go too.

We both exhaled loudly as soon as we were out of earshot.

I salute the author for even forebearing with the whole karaoke shit. I would just walk out despite losing friends in the process. Who needs them anyway. Coming out of the karaoke is just like being released from a torture prison except that it's not much a prison to me because i am not bounded by the shackles called friendship. Sure i do give face sometimes and if it goes beyond my annoyance threshold i'm off.

I wouldn't describe myself as being shy or socially inept; far from it. Still, i do feel decidedly uncomfortable in certain social settings. I don't do large parties very well. Over the years, i have become quite adept at faking small talk with strangers, but it's about as pleasurable as a root canal without anesthetics.

*nods head in agreement*
i wholeheartedly support what is said here. And yes, most often than not i am faking a face when mingling with strangers.

I once went to a party with an ET friend. As soon as we were through the host's front door, he was off. He spent the entire evening working the room, talking to different people and having a ball. I, on the other hand, found a free chair around a table and sat there for the entire evening, listening to the extroverts who came and went.

i wouldn't consider myself that much of an IT in this case, because i do mingle around a bit. To which after that i would love to adjourn somewhere to spend some time just sitting around and chilling.

I would rather stay at home with a good book.

Exactly. What's better than having to read a book peacefully or for my case just work on my drawings.

I respect who or what you are. So would you do the same for me?


All citations taken from Monday 12 April 2010 Star paper, "Party poopers" by Mary Schneider. Credit goes to her marvelous article.

Dishonesty is the best policy?

My bro lost his wallet today. More like it got nicked 3 minutes after he was conscious he dropped it. He knew he dropped it when he got out of the car and when he checked his pockets, realised it was missing, went back for it in like the time span of a few minutes only to find that it had gone with the wind.

Take not what is not yours. Don't parents teach that to their kids anymore? Greed is seeping into the hearts and souls of the people around us now. Gone were the days of kindness and good Samaritans. Finders keepers is more the norm now, or each for their own.

I heard that in Japan you'll still find your belongings where it was even after hours of losing it. This shows how society has really deteriorated in this country. Ok la to be fair not only here but its the scenario common in many countries. Moral values are regarded as belongings of fools, and without it is the way to go in order to survive and 'climb the ladder of success'.

I would rather stay the fool and live with a clean conscious than know that my actions are harming others. Let us not be like them hmm Kay?

Friendship

Heh as expected of myself. I barely visit my own blog during the breaks when i have almost nothing to rant about. So i'll just write down what pops into my mind right now.

The Kai-ism definition of Friendship.

Friendship is only a thing of circumstances. Because i need to meet you often, i have to get along with you only for my own benefits, and vice versa. Out of sight, out of mind.

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Best friends exists only because there is something you want off each other. For example similar interests bonds a pair of best friends together. What both of them are looking for is close companionship whereby anything can be discussed openly, again for one's own benefit of killing boredom or just having an outlet for rants.

So what happens when both of them ceases to meet up that often because of the paths they chose?

The gap widens and they get drifted apart further and further away. Things of the past will just be for memory's sake and life goes on. Meeting again in the future will somehow be different. The bond shared will not be as close as it used to be, but using the lame excuse of "for old times sake" it will try to be revived.

Personally, friendship is a temporary thing to me. I used to treasure it so much that i never thought of losing the best friends i used to have. But as i grew up the harsh realities of life made me realize that 'friendship' is over-rated. I keep seeing stuff like 'Friends Forever' and the likes, which are all very fake and superficial to me. I won't disagree with you if you believe in it but to me it just rubs me the wrong way. The camaraderie-hood only lasts as long as the time we spend together.

I'll never do anything so pointless as to sacrifice myself for a best friend's sake. Everything i do, i have a reason to think about how it would be beneficial to me in the long run. If you speak about brotherhood and stuff like that i don't even believe in it. Your not even blood-related to me. I might only do it for an actual person related to me. You can tell me about how close we used to be, but that is that. Now is now. If there is any reason to help you it is in my own interests. Arms length.

How about old acquaintances i meet accidentally on the streets? Well, i still need to don on the cloak of "friendship" to keep things rolling. So i'll just wave and maybe do some small talk. Who knows i might need to deal with them again later in life, be it at a new workplace or environment.

So, that is the general idea of how i perceive friendship. Sad you might think, about this poor fool named kai which has such a bleak outlook of life as to condemn the notion friendship. No fool i am, just a realistic person very down to earth and tries not to be governed by emotions. Strong emotions do nothing for you but tie you down to attachments of worldly affairs.

Of course, things of theories are always idealistic. That is what i believe in, yet there are always exceptions to it because i am still a human and not a mechanical device. I am happy living as a one man island. But the world now is such that i would need to forge temporary friendships in order to survive. At some point i would still need your help, and you, mine.

More bluntly, i need to use you and you need to use me too.

It's early Christmas!

T.T my old 7-8 years CRT monitor recently gave me trouble till i could no longer work my cgs on it. So my ever resourceful bro ordered an awesome LCD monitor, the 22'' Dell 2209WA which was low in cost and quite accurate in color reproduction. Thanx mucho libre bro!

Value for money i would say. Only qualms now is that LCD monitors are quite bright compared to my CRT last time. On '0' brightness the LCD monitor is brighter than when my CRT was at 100. Gonna burn my eyes faster now when i use it for health studies . My eyes gonna take some time getting used to it and hopefully i won't have to wear specs because of it in the near future. And also things look so much sharper now that i have some getting used to.

me and my wive's workspace now with the new LCD monitor.

It's time to let you have a peek at the shrine i built for my wife. It's not really up to date yet since i'm still waiting for the other stuff to arrive. Been collecting since the first figurine of my wife was made available.

something doesn't belong here...

Lately again, tutor SS told me my stuff still very manga-ish xD

well...i wanted to try out on more detailed clothes shading.

"why is it i see same characters from you" ~SS
o shi...i shall stop...

o shi...another failed attempt to realisticize my simplified figures orzlll

i think i took to heart what Kin Sun mentioned about us focusing on drawing asian features more than westerners. Why so? because we were born asian. To westerners they draw their own features like breathing the air. But for us we need to dig up research and waste time mastering and getting used to something we don't see everyday. So he advised us to concentrate on refining the asian looks instead. (since it's like breathing to us)

But then again, asians have pretty flat and smooth features except for those that are extremely bony, those on drugs or the occasional cheekbones, etc. And that is where the problem starts...drawing asian features tend to skew the drawing towards manga style, well, since manga style IS actually asian style. And here we have the westerners trying to go for manga style now...

So, bottom line is i suck at trying to draw western features. It's not that i really can't but i don't feel motivated to do it. It's funny that when i draw scene drawings instead, i would automatically switch to western features without a problem. But when it comes to imagination simplified figures, i would rather almost all the time go for the asian look. Partly because i'm doing it on the night before submission tomorrow. So i gotta really push and motivate myself to work last minute, hence the results.

"i really want to see you try a non-manga style for imagination. It's not that it is'nt nice, but..." ~SS

i'm sorry SS ;_;
i will try harder next sem if i get you as tutor again.