Guinea Pigs Can't Stand Being Lonely

"every great paint chat has at least a potato in it."
(courtesy of Sleepy, Sifu & me)

Pet owners frequently tell of their sole surviving pet Guinea pig soon following their companion not long after its death. It has been told that Guinea pigs can actually die of loneliness.

i guess i can sort of relate to those Guinea pigs now. If i did not have an elder bro to hang around with and rely on constantly i could have fallen into some sort of depression. i am always surrounded by people, but it still feels like i'm quite alone. It isn't about my inability to make new friends, but more like the sort of friends that ain't there just for face value.

High school friends, the closest bunch i've ever known are all busy with their own adult lives now, meeting only on rare yumcha occasions or holiday celebrations. My spirits are always lifted when i meet up with them, with the usual casual banters and curses that makes me most at home with these guys.

Art/hobby friends, the bunch i really enjoy hanging out with are currently sorta inactive. We used to motivate each other to churn out new works and draw upon the expertise of each other for the betterment of ourselves. Ever-since i started working, plus the others sorting out their studies and also work life, there has been less activity among us.

i found this out to be one of the reasons i have been feeling quite demotivated and depressed lately. After a night spent paint-chatting briefly with some of my mates, i felt my spirits lifted a tiny bit, which is hard to come by these days. With some reflection i realized then that it has to do with the longing of hanging out and doing the things i love to do with my gang. i have been in isolation from them for months and it has been slowly eating away at me.

i guess now that i know the reason why, i could work towards a remedy for my recent downcast. Knowing is half the battle won.

Nostalgia

"Your answer, lies with this rod that i'm about to probe into you"

Sometimes i go through some of my old articles and wonder to myself, "Wow, what an interesting life i used to have," although back then life was much more hectic with the constant indoctrination to myself that 'I had no life'.

I always feel that my life thus far has been quite a normal one with little excitement to it or none. In retrospect, there had been plenty of moments that i realized now, with a little longing, that i will forever cherish within my very being. My memory is not an excellent one to store every bit of it, so i'm starting to feel thankful to my past self for diligently updating journal entries like a little personal diary to my future self.

So recently i ponder to myself, has the color in my life started turning shades of grey? Things are happening daily that makes my life not at all idle and boring, but rarely have i made any memorable moments yet to be cherished. I constantly wish to hit the rewind button, to return to the past where my happy carefree self dwells without giving a sh*t to the world.

But of course, i'm just one of those who are reverberating the sentiments of a vast majority of individuals. I need to do a bit of self-reflection and start searching for the answers to regain the vibrant color pallet that i seemingly washed away.

Gain Some, Lose Some

Lately, almost a year after graduating, i realized that what i learnt in college was just the tip of an iceberg. I'm slowly beginning to become aware of a lot of things that weren't clear to me while i was still learning them in classes.

Probably, that might be due to the nature of the education system i went through - tight deadlines, and meeting the expectations of others rather than self. i found that it was hampering actual learning abilities during those times. But it might not be entirely the system's fault, as i feel that i was pretty slow in picking up new things as well.

Thankfully i had at least been introduced to how certain things should be done. The rest is mostly up to myself to find out and improve on. What was really useful was the exposure to certain methodologies that i find most important of all during my years of education.

In retrospect, i was lucky that i tried my utmost when doing my stuff, although at times the task was not up to my liking. Thanks to that the pointers given then has slowly resurfaced to a new understanding.

In the process of polishing the areas that i need working on right now, i realized too that some of the things that i could do years back, i might not be able to do so easily now. Part of me wishes to retain those old skills, but that just pins me down to my comfort zone.

I guess i should stop worrying about that anyway and start focusing on strengthening my basics for now. There's still a lot i need to explore on, and it is truly fortunate to have many peers and seniors that are guiding me along the way. I do hope to reach their standards one day.

The road is still long, but step by step i will try to reach the end. At my own pace.

Disillusioned

Yea...need to move on.

Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

AFA 111111

Came home mighty stoned from this event.

3D hologram projection Miku concert really happened on 11/11/11 so i'm pretty sore i didn't get a chance to attend it. Oh well, at least waters are tested and i'll try to make it next year.

Pretty meh this year's event. Either the event is getting boring, or i'm just losing touch in becoming an otaku. Is this how growing up will be?? orzll

Anyways, hoppefully i'll post some photos of cosplayers soon.

Senjougahara Fascination

Still am fascinated.
Just gotta love Tsundere-chan.

Rusty Gears

Slowly building up momentum...but still not at my peak yet.
Pretty slow year for me.
I miss sitting in my room for extremely long periods of time.

Gained Some, But Lost More...

Posts are getting shorter that this feels more like tweets...

A New Beginning

2 months since my last update. I've been catching up with lost time after all these years. Finally managed to catch a breather. Doing the most mundane of things these days are superbly satisfying. Spending quality time with family, catching up with friends, reading, that occasional light gaming moment, etc. I'm no longer so bound by time that I have to worry over every second lost which draws me closer to my impending doom of deadlines.




It feels good to be among the living again...




...only regret is that my drive to produce new works has waned with the passing of my education. I would have to seek out my inner lover again.

Transition

Dead. Dead. Dead.
Almost...

...this blog that is.

-------------------------

Going through some turning points in life now. I will start updating more often again when I have finally settled down. Haven't been drawing as often as I used to lately ^^

Of Tits and Tats

What have i been doing these days? Does the screenshot above ring a bell to anyone? The very first MMORPG ever made and i still love up to today.

If you still have no clue, this is Ragnarok Online. Albeit, i'm playing on a private server now. The endless joys i had with it when i was in my final years of high schooling. It's a dejavu that i'm doing it again on my final semester of art college. Only difference is i'm playing it with guilt of time wasting this round compared to my previous happy carefree days.

So yea, on my last semester of education almost everytime, without fail i will suddenly loosen up and try to make the best of the time i have left. It might be my survival instincts kicking in knowing that i would not have another chance to do it anymore. I'm not sure if it's the wisest thing to do but so far i've not regretted doing so yet.

On an unrelated note, Puella Magi Madoka Magica anime is really something. It breathes a refreshing uniqueness to it that Studio Shaft seems to always impress me with. If i ever have a chance, i would like to work with those guys down at that studio to know what crack they're smoking to achieve such ingenuity.

2 months to go before i graduate again. This has been the most bittersweet journey of 3 years that i have ever experienced and i'm facing it with mixed feelings. Regardless, every moment of it is a blessing in disguise that i would one day look back and say a great thank you to.

PS: Oh and a little prayer to the catastrophe that struck Japan recently. I hope the radiation problem there can be dealt with swiftly T_T

Thirst

There's this very strong urge from me lately to draw a lot of my own personal works. It feels like i'm on heat and i'm having an overflow of vigor to want to do it. I think i found some breakthroughs and would really like to practice on it to move on to the next level. I have been stuck and frustrated for a while now, having my skills stay stagnant and unable to proceed further. But now when i finally found the light at the end of the tunnel, i am unable to dash towards it. Pity i can't, because i'm crippled and tied down from procrastinating my assignments for too long.

Why not use this energy on my assignments instead you ask?

Sadly the same cannot be said for my motivation to work on my assignments. I'm so sick of seeing the same assignment for 2 semesters in a row that i just want to get it done with and dump it away. This system of bringing over work from the previous sem is flawed, either that or i'm just not interested in it.

What really keeps me going now are those few joyful moments when i slot in my own interests. It has been years since i last had an artblock and i'm really thankful for it. But that might also be my bane since i wont ever want to take a break.

Give me the Green Light

Remember a couple of posts back i said something about having good news to disclose? i have been given the green light to make it known now.

http://ameblo.jp/hobino/entry-10711954132.html

My name is listed around the 15th from the bottom

Cu.eL (Shaman)

Yup, i managed to get selected to have my work featured for Otacool 4 Worldwide Illustrators! *A* As far as i know there's another Malaysian in that book, which is no other than SURFACE group leader Pcmaniac88 who even got selected for prize awards to which he won lightsaber chopsticks...bastard...

Guess it has been a good and fulfilling tiger year.

i'm ready to go right now~
i'm ready to go right now~

Down with It

An accumulation of things this past week, has finally made my body succumb to the forces of nature.

Been shifting things in and out of me and my bro's room to get our floor tiles fixed. Had some problems with the tiles turning loose after we moved in for a year plus. Had to forebear a few months of having creaking tiles like the traps of Prince of Persia game.

And finally, just last week contractors came over to get the tiles fixed. I think i inhaled a year's supply of dust that has left my nose swollen and dripping on a daily basis. Shifting furniture in and out of the rooms were the worst part of the whole fiasco.

While typing this blog entry, i am on my 4th day of camping in my brother's room. His was the smaller one and so had it fixed before mine. And i was rejoicing that i would have mine back tonight after some shifting of furniture back in. (thanx bro for putting up with a shitty room mate that messes up your room further and whines like no tomorrow)

But gawd damn contractors failed to show up today to do the finishing touches. THEY JUST NEEDED TO PAINT THE DAMN FINISHING ON THE WALLS. ANGRY KAI IS ANGRY -_-

Another day lost...now i would most probably have to spend my weekends this week like the last, to move stuff back in and reorganize my room. I'm seriously lagging behind in college works thanks to this. I'm barely getting by with the half-assed works i've been showing. Not to mention it is already hard as it is to get my arse motivated.

Thanx to all that flaming anger, i burnt myself out today and fell sick. Sweet.

On a happier note, new chapter of One Piece is gonna be up soon in a couple of hours.

Up there

時々、ここは寂しいなあ．．．

Computer Problems Pt. 3

Part 3 i think....since i started this blog

Give me just another week...i need to finish up my finals before you kaput.

i am never spared from computer break downs every sem. Without fail.

i seem to have a running curse with computers. My old one kept giving me hardware failures. MY NEW ONE IS STARTING TO DO THE SAME. and its barely 2 years old...what am i doing wrong -_-

i think without the help of my bro i would have given up long ago and changed like 2-3 new computers within the span of 3 years, 1 for each year. He wasted as much time (if not more) than me trying to troubleshoot the shittiest problems i always face with my computers. What would i do without him D:

This is why i hate hardware and just get by with the bare minimal knowledge of running and troubleshooting this hunk of metal.

aih. so sick of this i barely have the mood to do my work now. Back-upping as much important stuff as i can right now while i'm typing this. Screw digi illust finals for now.

Nothing ruins my mood more than computer problems. Life sucks when you know you have to depend on something unreliable to get past your life.

WDK 9111

My bro's car just got stolen couple of days back, on Sunday. He left his car at his friend's place in Puchong and car pooled to a photoshoot. Next thing he knew, the car was gone when he returned in the afternoon.

It's not a first case though, just a few weeks back his friend whose place he parked at also got his Myvi stolen. Plenty more were also stolen in between the time from that Myvi to my bro's turn. Seems like the police here can't do nuts. Security here has gone to hell.

But anyways, Toyota Corolla SEG only wei. Who would have thought that such an old car also they wanna steal. I dunno whether it is worth their time and effort butchering our car for spare parts to sell. Give problem to us only orz

Now he has to drive mine while i get chauffeured around by my parents to college. Very inconvenient but i will have to live with it for while grrrr. Now they can keep tabs on me when i choose to skip class.

Colours of Dreams

HELL YEA! The sample pictures of our book has arrived! X.X
I just can't wait to get hold of a copy for myself. In another 2 weeks or so the books will be ready to make its debut in Singapore Cosfest 2010! (if all goes well i hope) I will not be attending Cosfest though and would have to wait for the others to bring it back from Sg.

Enough prattling for now, have a look at the samples :D






I'm quite excited coz this is the first time having my stuff along with my gang's printed in a book! I guess this is the only thing i might be looking forward to in a while.....

Don't Say Lazy

Sadly this is not an article about K-on! but only borrowing the title of the song for my entry title.

Another day, another week, another month, another sem. We as students never cease to piss our lecturers off, just to be fair about how they mess with our lives too. Today, like any other day of the week we get constant slapping to the face on how much we really suck.

Recap on some of the finer points we heard today from our lecturer.

"You guys are too lazy, never listen to what i say and love to do/repeat mistakes"
i would avoid it too if i had such strong art sense to know how to...

"90% of the pile of works here can be trashed into the bin"
at least my work can help fill up the bin for the trash lady to take out...

"The good ones must have gone to other majors like multimedia or others and left the remaining in Illustration"
...i...*speechless*

"Only once in 10 years we get a special case"
Looks like we can strike out our batch for this...

"Illustration major is a master in everything (drawing related)"
Come to think of it we must be architects when we need to, fashion designer when we need to, hairstylist when we need to, mecha artist when we need to....*list goes on*

"Illustration is hard to get jobs, because you are not what the industry wants. You graduate but your art sense is not there."
D: i think i'll go be a programmer...

I'm beginning to feel that it is true what my brother tells me sometimes. If you're not talented in some ways this whole art deal is a real torture to the common art-tart wannabes. Be it you have talent in execution, talent in hard work, talent in enduring verbal abuse, etc. We must at least possess one of those traits to survive in a more bearable state. Screw the "you can be like this level too without being talented but through working 10 times harder than the talented person next to you". So yea, you work 10 times harder just to be barely able to keep up, and let's just say that next talented dood just puts in a little effort, and VOILA! you go "wth have i been doing..."

You'll end up disillusioned at some point at why DA FARK you can't get to do anything right no matter how much more you put in than the regular Joe. Nevermind you think, just put in more effort. Devote your life, devote every waking second of your time and focus into it. And still the results are bare minimal. Something is really not right here...the word 'SUCK' must really be written somewhere on your body and sapping all your goodness away.

Let's just say you choose to continue in that pattern and push on despite not seeing any visible improvements yet. You ignore the fact that you have to sacrifice more to get by. Then comes along the weekly bombardment of nuclear bombs that goes off with radiation that contains the 'SUCK' ions. Shit hits the fan at this point...the feeling gets worst that all this while what you have been doing is for nothing.

That's where you are given one of the choices in life which will determine your outcome. Take the easy way, just forsake this hot pot for the frying pan and hope for the best in future.

OR

Do it the tough guy way as the saying goes "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going". I'm sure if you are familiar with Benjamin (China dood) you would know how he toughed it out and walked through all the shit and 'SUCK' radiation. He was told that he will never make it with his works and now? who's having the last laugh when he's making a name for himself?

So at the end of the day, morales might run low and you might be covered full with shit (from the spinning fan earlier). But don't give up yet coz everyone in the same room is covered in shit as you are. Go use that shit, fertilize some flowers, smell those flowers and get that ass working again.

I need this entry for my own sake more than anyone else...

They did it again...

They did it again.

I'm suffering burnout at the early stages once more.

I just feel like spending a day, sitting at one spot stoning without a thought in my mind. Those days are almost impossible to come by anymore. Not a day goes by without something of a drawing medium in my hand. I don't despise it but my arms feel like falling off.

What have i to look forward to these days, i do not know myself.

Sorry for lack of updates, and when i do it's mostly negatives.

Adios.