Friendship

Heh as expected of myself. I barely visit my own blog during the breaks when i have almost nothing to rant about. So i'll just write down what pops into my mind right now.

The Kai-ism definition of Friendship.

Friendship is only a thing of circumstances. Because i need to meet you often, i have to get along with you only for my own benefits, and vice versa. Out of sight, out of mind.

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Best friends exists only because there is something you want off each other. For example similar interests bonds a pair of best friends together. What both of them are looking for is close companionship whereby anything can be discussed openly, again for one's own benefit of killing boredom or just having an outlet for rants.

So what happens when both of them ceases to meet up that often because of the paths they chose?

The gap widens and they get drifted apart further and further away. Things of the past will just be for memory's sake and life goes on. Meeting again in the future will somehow be different. The bond shared will not be as close as it used to be, but using the lame excuse of "for old times sake" it will try to be revived.

Personally, friendship is a temporary thing to me. I used to treasure it so much that i never thought of losing the best friends i used to have. But as i grew up the harsh realities of life made me realize that 'friendship' is over-rated. I keep seeing stuff like 'Friends Forever' and the likes, which are all very fake and superficial to me. I won't disagree with you if you believe in it but to me it just rubs me the wrong way. The camaraderie-hood only lasts as long as the time we spend together.

I'll never do anything so pointless as to sacrifice myself for a best friend's sake. Everything i do, i have a reason to think about how it would be beneficial to me in the long run. If you speak about brotherhood and stuff like that i don't even believe in it. Your not even blood-related to me. I might only do it for an actual person related to me. You can tell me about how close we used to be, but that is that. Now is now. If there is any reason to help you it is in my own interests. Arms length.

How about old acquaintances i meet accidentally on the streets? Well, i still need to don on the cloak of "friendship" to keep things rolling. So i'll just wave and maybe do some small talk. Who knows i might need to deal with them again later in life, be it at a new workplace or environment.

So, that is the general idea of how i perceive friendship. Sad you might think, about this poor fool named kai which has such a bleak outlook of life as to condemn the notion friendship. No fool i am, just a realistic person very down to earth and tries not to be governed by emotions. Strong emotions do nothing for you but tie you down to attachments of worldly affairs.

Of course, things of theories are always idealistic. That is what i believe in, yet there are always exceptions to it because i am still a human and not a mechanical device. I am happy living as a one man island. But the world now is such that i would need to forge temporary friendships in order to survive. At some point i would still need your help, and you, mine.

More bluntly, i need to use you and you need to use me too.

Capturing Valueless Moments

warning: image heavy post

These are the assignments i had to do for photography, according to theme.

TEXTURE

LIGHT & SHADOW





LINES




REFLECTION




COLORS




MALACCA

Jonker Street

red buildings

free piece

temple


FINAL

frosted glass: back

frosted glass: front

self composition

Any AD students ending up in this blog might laugh his/her ass off over the lowly nature of skillz IL students have for photography. Not that i really care since i'm not specializing in it.

Now begone this subject! and hopefully i wont have to see you again so often in the near future.

It's early Christmas!

T.T my old 7-8 years CRT monitor recently gave me trouble till i could no longer work my cgs on it. So my ever resourceful bro ordered an awesome LCD monitor, the 22'' Dell 2209WA which was low in cost and quite accurate in color reproduction. Thanx mucho libre bro!

Value for money i would say. Only qualms now is that LCD monitors are quite bright compared to my CRT last time. On '0' brightness the LCD monitor is brighter than when my CRT was at 100. Gonna burn my eyes faster now when i use it for health studies . My eyes gonna take some time getting used to it and hopefully i won't have to wear specs because of it in the near future. And also things look so much sharper now that i have some getting used to.

me and my wive's workspace now with the new LCD monitor.

It's time to let you have a peek at the shrine i built for my wife. It's not really up to date yet since i'm still waiting for the other stuff to arrive. Been collecting since the first figurine of my wife was made available.

something doesn't belong here...

Lately again, tutor SS told me my stuff still very manga-ish xD

well...i wanted to try out on more detailed clothes shading.

"why is it i see same characters from you" ~SS
o shi...i shall stop...

o shi...another failed attempt to realisticize my simplified figures orzlll

i think i took to heart what Kin Sun mentioned about us focusing on drawing asian features more than westerners. Why so? because we were born asian. To westerners they draw their own features like breathing the air. But for us we need to dig up research and waste time mastering and getting used to something we don't see everyday. So he advised us to concentrate on refining the asian looks instead. (since it's like breathing to us)

But then again, asians have pretty flat and smooth features except for those that are extremely bony, those on drugs or the occasional cheekbones, etc. And that is where the problem starts...drawing asian features tend to skew the drawing towards manga style, well, since manga style IS actually asian style. And here we have the westerners trying to go for manga style now...

So, bottom line is i suck at trying to draw western features. It's not that i really can't but i don't feel motivated to do it. It's funny that when i draw scene drawings instead, i would automatically switch to western features without a problem. But when it comes to imagination simplified figures, i would rather almost all the time go for the asian look. Partly because i'm doing it on the night before submission tomorrow. So i gotta really push and motivate myself to work last minute, hence the results.

"i really want to see you try a non-manga style for imagination. It's not that it is'nt nice, but..." ~SS

i'm sorry SS ;_;
i will try harder next sem if i get you as tutor again.

The World Through Lenses

"hey there babe, care to join me?"
RM12.80 worth of skittles....handpicked into different jars.

now i know that the orange ones have the most and purple the least D:

i'm so gonna get cavities after this assignment...

i've never been truly proud about my photography skills before and think that i never would. Truth be told i rarely held a camera to snap pics until i came to TOA. Still, for the 1st time ever i kinda like the pic above. Although it was rejected for the self-composed final piece, nevertheless it's my personal fav of the lot. Uncle D said that it is cute but not too suitable lol. (fortunately he chose another piece composed with skittles too, that leaves me with one more piece to show him)

Just to let you in on a bit of info, i was never a strong believer of taking, or for that matter composing something for photography. i have this conception in me that finds framing things into a photograph 'fake' and 'lifeless'.

Still, i did enjoy my time with Uncle D and i feel like i'm gonna miss him very much when this sem ends. (hopefully i won't fail his class *whimpers*) He made me much more interested in photography and sort of change my perspective of it. Thanks to him i managed to pick up some photography jargons which i never thought possible for myself to know. His lectures might seem draggy to some but i find that i cannot not pay attention to him. He's like a grandpa teaching his grandson about the lessons of life.

i still have my reservations about photography but at least i can accept it better now. Time and knowledge changes a person eh? a good mentor might just do the trick too...

i wonder if...

...i am asking too much from myself.
i seek perfection in skills.
i seek to polish it to the highest degree.
i seek to accomplish it at the shortest time possible. [insert heuristic/greedy algorithm]

Why am i always racing against myself. Rationally i know that improvement comes with practice and time. Yet why am i so eager to prove to myself that i could, would and should reach perfection asap. Learning is life-long so perfection is close to impossible i suppose. There's this chinese saying along the lines of

"there is always a mountain higher than you, but do not forget that there is also a trail of mountains behind you"

i'm always willing to go that extra mile which stretches me thin sometimes, but still improvement comes too slowly or not at all. Is it because of the standards which i set too highly for myself? i'm not too sure, it just feels like i've reached a stagnant stage.

i know i was not born talented and i blame no one, but still it fills me with envy at times when i do meet such talents that require less effort than neccessary. Well, maybe i'm just disillusioning myself by only seeing the end result but not the things happening behind the scenes.

Oh well, i shouldn't be looking at it this way. Instead i might have other areas of specialties. (like my inherent skill to annoy those around me without effort)

Nothing much i can do about it i guess, except to continue to work hard and prosper. (hopefully)

Workaholic Sinkhole

i never used to value having to just sit down and listen to lectures, nod off, go home, rinse and repeat until the exams are suddenly here. Not until i stepped into the current hectic world i am in now.

True, time passes relatively slow when you are trying to pay attention to your lecturer droning away on the stage of his life. But realization dawns upon me now that i really missed that feeling. As the saying goes you never treasure something until it is gone.

Well, not exactly gone, since photography classes are basically lectures on cameras and i still have South East Asian culture studies. Still, i find the lack of such subjects now draws me to pay 120% attention in class. It's like an insatiable thirst which i didn't know i could possess.

The remaining subjects?

while ( kai_enrolled_in_TOA == true)
{
- Wake up early before 9;
- Go for a 3 hour class with almost non stop action at times;
- Pack home mountain-full of assignments;
- Moar work at night after a couple of hours of evening nap;
- Wrap up at 3 am;
}

it will be an infinite loop until i grad. (i think)

On the first day of orientation, our great principle T said that we were treated like we are already working for the next 3 years. i believe him then and still do now. i barely find time to rest these days. Rest feels more like a luxury now which is slowly turning into a rare delicacy.

And then when sem break arrives, it feels like a sort of emptiness whereby there is a sudden feeling that i have too much time on my hands (provided free-lancing jobs are not sought). It's like waking up feeling that i have to do some work or my day is unfulfilled. Some graduated seniors know this feeling very well whilst looking for jobs or even when the demands of their jobs are much easier than their study life.

Oh the sadness. On one hand we complain about how busy we are but when there is actually time to take a breather we feel out of place. My sensei told me once that most of the japs feel these way and have no clue on how to spend their hols. They have to hire assistants just to plan on how to spend their breaks. Habitual workaholics. Sadness.

Not sure what is in store for me in the future. Truth be told i have no idea what i'm gonna come out to be. i aim to be a tutor and maybe proceed to be a lecturer. But it might seem a little far fetched for me with my skill level. i'm working hard towards it and lets hope that by the time i graduate in about 1 year+ time i'm up for it. Hopefully, tutorship gives me more freedom and confidence to hone my knives.

Back to some happy time with the workload i have. And my parents and acquaintances wonder why i'm still single...

Learn Respect

Saturday classes.

i wake up each Saturday morning loathing to take a 30 min drive to college for a less than 2 hour class, and then take another 30 min drive home. i find it extremely difficult to make myself get up from bed each time, and with intentions to skip class entirely to catch a few more hours of sleep.

Sadly, i got to play the good student role for a while more since i'm heading down to Singapore in another 2 weeks time during the weekends. Just for those who didn't know, TOA is a damn strict biatch with no exceptions when it comes to attendance. Skip more than 2 times and see you again next sem.

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Ok enough of long-winded unrelated rants. Let's get to the point. As much as i hate having Saturday classes of South-East Asia studies, i learn to tolerate it. i keep telling myself it isn't the lecturer's fault to choose having classes on Saturdays. (Thanx to TOA for over-committing to the enrolment of new students)

Today, half-way through lecture, SB suddenly yelled in mandarin to the back of the class,

"WHO SAID SAU HAI"

and stared with popping angry eyes. (note: lecturer's name is close sounding to that and leave it to students to come up with creative vulgar names for lecturers)

I got a shock and wondered what happened. It was only after class i got to know that some punks at the back of the class had the guts to say out loudly "Sau Hai" (which means skinny cunt in canto) while he was lecturing.

Come on people. Learn respect.

Bad enough today most of the students dozed off, occassionally having SB still humor them with turning off the lights for them to rest. There's only so much a person can take. How much further must they push the boundaries of tolerance before its limit is reached.

You might hate a lecturer for whatever reason, but there is a reason why he/she is the lecturer and not you. Take your dislike elsewhere outside of the class out of the lecturer's scope of sight and sound. You can do your bitching during lunch hours, on the phone, on msn, or even on blogs but please, not within range of the lecturer.

They are human too. You stab they bleed. You think they are happy teaching a bunch of uninterested students like us? They have families to feed too mind you.

Learn your place in the world. Learn respect.