Momentum is uberly important to me when i need a kick start to work on something. Before my sem break started i was superbly over-excited in getting to do my own stuff. Due to the constant momentum of having to deal with my assignments, my drive did not waver. But 2 weeks have passed since then and i'm already in my final week of break.
I sort of regretted going for that Penang trip....it totally threw me off the mood to draw when i got home. Worst still my computer problem resurfaced and i had to spend a couple of days fixing it into working conditions again. I just got it repaired (i hope) and by now i'm already almost out of steam. Guess i just have to make the most out of it. Now i wouldn't be able to spam submit the Otacool competition i was planning to join.
Again...i'm not ready to face the next semester...things are moving a little wee too fast for my liking here.
Oh by the way, Muramasa: The Demon Blade is fun <3
HELL YEA!!!! I HAVE NEVER LOOKED FORWARD TO A BREAK SO BADLY AS THIS ROUND. I'M GONNA RECUPERATE AS MUCH AS I CAN BEFORE THE NEXT ONSLAUGHT.
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i'm learning to take things easy this round. Won't be handling commissions. Take my time doing some personal works. Daily sketching and self exploration. Gaming non stop and catching up on lost time on movies, animes & mangas. i lost my internet connection for roughly a couple of days and found that time passed by so slowly that i had ample time to do the things i liked. It's good to feel the slow pace of things again once in a while. i just totally dumped the whole workaholic mentally for the extent of this break.
i noticed now that i have urges to do more traditional works lately. Watercolor in particular. After all the enthusiasm of going purely digital now i find myself reverting to getting dirty on pencil and paper. Human nature again to long to do something that you don't have the privilege of doing anymore. It's funny how we always contradict ourselves.
Speaking of contradictions, i'm a walking contradiction myself. Like i mentioned before, way back when i was still in my teens i used to be prejudice towards stuff like gothic lolita and now i'm finding myself gaga over it. i also used to hate the color green but thanx to a certain vocaloid, i have learnt to find beauty in that color as well. It's hard to name my favorite color now if you ask me about it.
i think my strongest point in art lies in colors. Ever since it started from a hobby, i was very particular about the colors i used. So now with no particular special preference for a certain color, i find myself having a lot of fun and freedom exploring with color combinations that bring out a certain mood or impact to a picture. i'm far from perfection though, even if i perceive it to be my forte. Regardless, i just want to have fun while doing what i love best.
*ahem* i strayed from what i really wanted to say. Anyways, back to contradictions. i think what is important is that we learn to figure out which is the side of contradictions that would help elevate us into another level. Sometimes we remain rigid about it being our 'personality' or 'habit' which defines us. Maybe due to our ego or just part of us that wishes to not change, we sometimes end up shutting ourselves up in the bad end of it. And so we stop our own growth in that aspect.
i self-reflect whenever i can and found that i have changed quite a bit over the years. i try to correct some quirks within myself to some success, while picking up other idiosyncrasies along the way. It's almost an endless loop, but that's what makes us a little bit better each time we try to confront it.
i have this feeling that i might have just turned more eccentric and twisted within my own world. But that's just me. You be the judge.
i'll end off with some step-by-steps of what i've been up to.
rough sketch
color thumb
initial base and touchup
further refinement
preliminary textures
more texture spam and final result
Based off this video and song. i endlessly looped it while working on it to get into the mood. i enjoy drawing something of this genre but i can't do it all the time as it creeps me out while i'm on it. The creepier i make it the more scared i make myself. Yes i am afraid of ghosts and horrors ._.
Give me just another week...i need to finish up my finals before you kaput.
i am never spared from computer break downs every sem. Without fail.
i seem to have a running curse with computers. My old one kept giving me hardware failures. MY NEW ONE IS STARTING TO DO THE SAME. and its barely 2 years old...what am i doing wrong -_-
i think without the help of my bro i would have given up long ago and changed like 2-3 new computers within the span of 3 years, 1 for each year. He wasted as much time (if not more) than me trying to troubleshoot the shittiest problems i always face with my computers. What would i do without him D:
This is why i hate hardware and just get by with the bare minimal knowledge of running and troubleshooting this hunk of metal.
aih. so sick of this i barely have the mood to do my work now. Back-upping as much important stuff as i can right now while i'm typing this. Screw digi illust finals for now.
Nothing ruins my mood more than computer problems. Life sucks when you know you have to depend on something unreliable to get past your life.
"I wake up in the morning with nothing, at the end of the day i have something" ~Christian Lorenz(Swiss artist)
That quote best describes the passion we as artists have very well. Each day we create something new and it satisfies us at the end of it. I used to think that it was a chore to draw daily and would only like to do it whenever i felt like it. That was at a time long past when i hadn't really delved myself into art college.
Although i still loathe working on my assignments at a non-stop basis, at the end of the day there is that certain satisfaction of accomplishment. In between those hectic moments i feel even more joy on having to work on my own stuff. Ever more so desperately now with the limited moments of actually not having to fulfill a deadline.
I've really become a workaholic. I feel fidgety if for a day i did not put something down on pencil and paper. I'll end up sleeping that night feeling guilt and remorse for having done nothing productive. It's quite hard to take it easy but at least i have started to learn how to minimize my stress levels when necessary.
On another note, art block is hard to come by these days as i always do have something i would wanna do. Sure squeezing out ideas for assignments ain't always a walk in park but it gets easier and easier with familiarity. As for personal works, i have too much on my mind to really get any art block. Just that i lack the time to create those pieces i have stored somewhere in the parts of my brain that aren't filled with porn nonsensical whims.
Anyways, i have been getting myself involved in quite a few competitions this sem. I'm quite surprised to find out that i didn't suffer burnout as badly as the previous sems. It seems that the more i do works for myself, the more energized i would be for a while. It keeps me happy although i know i might be sacrificing much of my time for sleep, play, and etc. I even concentrate and work faster on my assignments after that -_-;;
Oh well, signing off for now. Bz bz bz with life that i don't update this place as much as i would love to. Ranting about negative stuff would be easy but this would just make my blog a gloomy place to drop by. I'll also end up sounding like a whiny biatch. Sooooo yea. Lately it's turning out to be more like a diary for myself.
Have some random quicky of my mascot girl here while i go back to living my sad existence. Abusing textures and using colors i seldom use is fun.
Hi there, I am a Compscience / Illustrator living a total life of normalcy. A simple person born in a small country called Malaysia, I have little to ask for except to put my skills into good use.
wip of my submission for Otacool contest.
