The Contemplations of Kai

Each time i stumble upon a great contribution to the world, i tell myself, when will it be my turn. When will i contribute something which can bring winds of change to the era i am living in.

Who am i in the first place to create such changes. i am but a small dust speck clinging to an ancient picture frame.

It aches me to think that way but i guess the 'greats' have gone through such periods as well. There might have been those not lucky enough but with world changing inspirations which never managed to see light. It is all a game of luck, of chance, doing the right thing at the right time and at the right place. Whether fate has it that i will chance upon such an opportunity, well i can't say for certain.

I have no idea what changes i might bring to the world in time to come. But i always imagine myself being a major contributer in future (No, i'm not trying to be cocky or arrogant here, just a gut feeling that it was hardwired into my DNA). I don't know what my calling for that is yet, be it on the spiritual or physical level. I have always harbored this uncontrollable desire within myself to want to make positive differences to the world. Maybe, subconsciously my taint has already touched somethings out there and is slowly bringing about the changes i have so spoken. But who knows? i just hope that i can find out what it is throughout the process of living my life.

Though i might never see myself reaching that state of greatness in this lifetime, i live contented to know that i tried every second i could. It might turn out to be just a beautiful dream, or with (lotsa) luck it might turn out to be something given form. Life is too short and there is too much to achieve. The drive in me just grows stronger each moment i know that time is running short for me. (*note* no i am not inflicted with fatal diseases whatsoever)

Some might think that i am too young to harbor such thoughts right now, that i still have a long way ahead of me to work things through. But that is not the case, since time passes by with each blink of an eye and waits for no man. Don't you realise that each time you look back, you find that it just passes by so quickly. When you are living it out, it feels like a never-ending drag at that moment.

I cannot stress enough that time is such a precious commodity to me that i feel that i just don't have enough of it. There are so many things i want to do, so many things i want to master in this lifetime. But knowing the restrains of time, and how untalented or ungifted i am, there is a maximum limit to how much i can garner. Knowledge is power, and i crave knowledge no matter how trivial or minute it is. It saddens me to know that i have to choose only certain pathways to take and not all.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

~The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

To conclude, maybe i'll just stay as that small little dust speck. Well, in a way it still contributes, though it is together with the collective mass of other dust specks. seldom things work on it's own alone and i guess i would then have to stay contented to know that i contributed as a mass. It ain't so bad then...