Friendship

Heh as expected of myself. I barely visit my own blog during the breaks when i have almost nothing to rant about. So i'll just write down what pops into my mind right now.

The Kai-ism definition of Friendship.

Friendship is only a thing of circumstances. Because i need to meet you often, i have to get along with you only for my own benefits, and vice versa. Out of sight, out of mind.

------------------------------------

Best friends exists only because there is something you want off each other. For example similar interests bonds a pair of best friends together. What both of them are looking for is close companionship whereby anything can be discussed openly, again for one's own benefit of killing boredom or just having an outlet for rants.

So what happens when both of them ceases to meet up that often because of the paths they chose?

The gap widens and they get drifted apart further and further away. Things of the past will just be for memory's sake and life goes on. Meeting again in the future will somehow be different. The bond shared will not be as close as it used to be, but using the lame excuse of "for old times sake" it will try to be revived.

Personally, friendship is a temporary thing to me. I used to treasure it so much that i never thought of losing the best friends i used to have. But as i grew up the harsh realities of life made me realize that 'friendship' is over-rated. I keep seeing stuff like 'Friends Forever' and the likes, which are all very fake and superficial to me. I won't disagree with you if you believe in it but to me it just rubs me the wrong way. The camaraderie-hood only lasts as long as the time we spend together.

I'll never do anything so pointless as to sacrifice myself for a best friend's sake. Everything i do, i have a reason to think about how it would be beneficial to me in the long run. If you speak about brotherhood and stuff like that i don't even believe in it. Your not even blood-related to me. I might only do it for an actual person related to me. You can tell me about how close we used to be, but that is that. Now is now. If there is any reason to help you it is in my own interests. Arms length.

How about old acquaintances i meet accidentally on the streets? Well, i still need to don on the cloak of "friendship" to keep things rolling. So i'll just wave and maybe do some small talk. Who knows i might need to deal with them again later in life, be it at a new workplace or environment.

So, that is the general idea of how i perceive friendship. Sad you might think, about this poor fool named kai which has such a bleak outlook of life as to condemn the notion friendship. No fool i am, just a realistic person very down to earth and tries not to be governed by emotions. Strong emotions do nothing for you but tie you down to attachments of worldly affairs.

Of course, things of theories are always idealistic. That is what i believe in, yet there are always exceptions to it because i am still a human and not a mechanical device. I am happy living as a one man island. But the world now is such that i would need to forge temporary friendships in order to survive. At some point i would still need your help, and you, mine.

More bluntly, i need to use you and you need to use me too.

Capturing Valueless Moments

warning: image heavy post

These are the assignments i had to do for photography, according to theme.

TEXTURE

LIGHT & SHADOW





LINES




REFLECTION




COLORS




MALACCA

Jonker Street

red buildings

free piece

temple


FINAL

frosted glass: back

frosted glass: front

self composition

Any AD students ending up in this blog might laugh his/her ass off over the lowly nature of skillz IL students have for photography. Not that i really care since i'm not specializing in it.

Now begone this subject! and hopefully i wont have to see you again so often in the near future.

It's early Christmas!

T.T my old 7-8 years CRT monitor recently gave me trouble till i could no longer work my cgs on it. So my ever resourceful bro ordered an awesome LCD monitor, the 22'' Dell 2209WA which was low in cost and quite accurate in color reproduction. Thanx mucho libre bro!

Value for money i would say. Only qualms now is that LCD monitors are quite bright compared to my CRT last time. On '0' brightness the LCD monitor is brighter than when my CRT was at 100. Gonna burn my eyes faster now when i use it for health studies . My eyes gonna take some time getting used to it and hopefully i won't have to wear specs because of it in the near future. And also things look so much sharper now that i have some getting used to.

me and my wive's workspace now with the new LCD monitor.

It's time to let you have a peek at the shrine i built for my wife. It's not really up to date yet since i'm still waiting for the other stuff to arrive. Been collecting since the first figurine of my wife was made available.

something doesn't belong here...

Lately again, tutor SS told me my stuff still very manga-ish xD

well...i wanted to try out on more detailed clothes shading.

"why is it i see same characters from you" ~SS
o shi...i shall stop...

o shi...another failed attempt to realisticize my simplified figures orzlll

i think i took to heart what Kin Sun mentioned about us focusing on drawing asian features more than westerners. Why so? because we were born asian. To westerners they draw their own features like breathing the air. But for us we need to dig up research and waste time mastering and getting used to something we don't see everyday. So he advised us to concentrate on refining the asian looks instead. (since it's like breathing to us)

But then again, asians have pretty flat and smooth features except for those that are extremely bony, those on drugs or the occasional cheekbones, etc. And that is where the problem starts...drawing asian features tend to skew the drawing towards manga style, well, since manga style IS actually asian style. And here we have the westerners trying to go for manga style now...

So, bottom line is i suck at trying to draw western features. It's not that i really can't but i don't feel motivated to do it. It's funny that when i draw scene drawings instead, i would automatically switch to western features without a problem. But when it comes to imagination simplified figures, i would rather almost all the time go for the asian look. Partly because i'm doing it on the night before submission tomorrow. So i gotta really push and motivate myself to work last minute, hence the results.

"i really want to see you try a non-manga style for imagination. It's not that it is'nt nice, but..." ~SS

i'm sorry SS ;_;
i will try harder next sem if i get you as tutor again.

The World Through Lenses

"hey there babe, care to join me?"
RM12.80 worth of skittles....handpicked into different jars.

now i know that the orange ones have the most and purple the least D:

i'm so gonna get cavities after this assignment...

i've never been truly proud about my photography skills before and think that i never would. Truth be told i rarely held a camera to snap pics until i came to TOA. Still, for the 1st time ever i kinda like the pic above. Although it was rejected for the self-composed final piece, nevertheless it's my personal fav of the lot. Uncle D said that it is cute but not too suitable lol. (fortunately he chose another piece composed with skittles too, that leaves me with one more piece to show him)

Just to let you in on a bit of info, i was never a strong believer of taking, or for that matter composing something for photography. i have this conception in me that finds framing things into a photograph 'fake' and 'lifeless'.

Still, i did enjoy my time with Uncle D and i feel like i'm gonna miss him very much when this sem ends. (hopefully i won't fail his class *whimpers*) He made me much more interested in photography and sort of change my perspective of it. Thanks to him i managed to pick up some photography jargons which i never thought possible for myself to know. His lectures might seem draggy to some but i find that i cannot not pay attention to him. He's like a grandpa teaching his grandson about the lessons of life.

i still have my reservations about photography but at least i can accept it better now. Time and knowledge changes a person eh? a good mentor might just do the trick too...

i wonder if...

...i am asking too much from myself.
i seek perfection in skills.
i seek to polish it to the highest degree.
i seek to accomplish it at the shortest time possible. [insert heuristic/greedy algorithm]

Why am i always racing against myself. Rationally i know that improvement comes with practice and time. Yet why am i so eager to prove to myself that i could, would and should reach perfection asap. Learning is life-long so perfection is close to impossible i suppose. There's this chinese saying along the lines of

"there is always a mountain higher than you, but do not forget that there is also a trail of mountains behind you"

i'm always willing to go that extra mile which stretches me thin sometimes, but still improvement comes too slowly or not at all. Is it because of the standards which i set too highly for myself? i'm not too sure, it just feels like i've reached a stagnant stage.

i know i was not born talented and i blame no one, but still it fills me with envy at times when i do meet such talents that require less effort than neccessary. Well, maybe i'm just disillusioning myself by only seeing the end result but not the things happening behind the scenes.

Oh well, i shouldn't be looking at it this way. Instead i might have other areas of specialties. (like my inherent skill to annoy those around me without effort)

Nothing much i can do about it i guess, except to continue to work hard and prosper. (hopefully)

Workaholic Sinkhole

i never used to value having to just sit down and listen to lectures, nod off, go home, rinse and repeat until the exams are suddenly here. Not until i stepped into the current hectic world i am in now.

True, time passes relatively slow when you are trying to pay attention to your lecturer droning away on the stage of his life. But realization dawns upon me now that i really missed that feeling. As the saying goes you never treasure something until it is gone.

Well, not exactly gone, since photography classes are basically lectures on cameras and i still have South East Asian culture studies. Still, i find the lack of such subjects now draws me to pay 120% attention in class. It's like an insatiable thirst which i didn't know i could possess.

The remaining subjects?

while ( kai_enrolled_in_TOA == true)
{
- Wake up early before 9;
- Go for a 3 hour class with almost non stop action at times;
- Pack home mountain-full of assignments;
- Moar work at night after a couple of hours of evening nap;
- Wrap up at 3 am;
}

it will be an infinite loop until i grad. (i think)

On the first day of orientation, our great principle T said that we were treated like we are already working for the next 3 years. i believe him then and still do now. i barely find time to rest these days. Rest feels more like a luxury now which is slowly turning into a rare delicacy.

And then when sem break arrives, it feels like a sort of emptiness whereby there is a sudden feeling that i have too much time on my hands (provided free-lancing jobs are not sought). It's like waking up feeling that i have to do some work or my day is unfulfilled. Some graduated seniors know this feeling very well whilst looking for jobs or even when the demands of their jobs are much easier than their study life.

Oh the sadness. On one hand we complain about how busy we are but when there is actually time to take a breather we feel out of place. My sensei told me once that most of the japs feel these way and have no clue on how to spend their hols. They have to hire assistants just to plan on how to spend their breaks. Habitual workaholics. Sadness.

Not sure what is in store for me in the future. Truth be told i have no idea what i'm gonna come out to be. i aim to be a tutor and maybe proceed to be a lecturer. But it might seem a little far fetched for me with my skill level. i'm working hard towards it and lets hope that by the time i graduate in about 1 year+ time i'm up for it. Hopefully, tutorship gives me more freedom and confidence to hone my knives.

Back to some happy time with the workload i have. And my parents and acquaintances wonder why i'm still single...

Learn Respect

Saturday classes.

i wake up each Saturday morning loathing to take a 30 min drive to college for a less than 2 hour class, and then take another 30 min drive home. i find it extremely difficult to make myself get up from bed each time, and with intentions to skip class entirely to catch a few more hours of sleep.

Sadly, i got to play the good student role for a while more since i'm heading down to Singapore in another 2 weeks time during the weekends. Just for those who didn't know, TOA is a damn strict biatch with no exceptions when it comes to attendance. Skip more than 2 times and see you again next sem.

-------------------------------------

Ok enough of long-winded unrelated rants. Let's get to the point. As much as i hate having Saturday classes of South-East Asia studies, i learn to tolerate it. i keep telling myself it isn't the lecturer's fault to choose having classes on Saturdays. (Thanx to TOA for over-committing to the enrolment of new students)

Today, half-way through lecture, SB suddenly yelled in mandarin to the back of the class,

"WHO SAID SAU HAI"

and stared with popping angry eyes. (note: lecturer's name is close sounding to that and leave it to students to come up with creative vulgar names for lecturers)

I got a shock and wondered what happened. It was only after class i got to know that some punks at the back of the class had the guts to say out loudly "Sau Hai" (which means skinny cunt in canto) while he was lecturing.

Come on people. Learn respect.

Bad enough today most of the students dozed off, occassionally having SB still humor them with turning off the lights for them to rest. There's only so much a person can take. How much further must they push the boundaries of tolerance before its limit is reached.

You might hate a lecturer for whatever reason, but there is a reason why he/she is the lecturer and not you. Take your dislike elsewhere outside of the class out of the lecturer's scope of sight and sound. You can do your bitching during lunch hours, on the phone, on msn, or even on blogs but please, not within range of the lecturer.

They are human too. You stab they bleed. You think they are happy teaching a bunch of uninterested students like us? They have families to feed too mind you.

Learn your place in the world. Learn respect.

My Girlfriend is the President

My my, interesting what ero games come up with these days.

Moe school girls for president?
Another moe school girl as the Tsar of Russia?
Pope as the Sith?

Yes we can....YES WE CAN!!!!

i'll try not to laugh myself to death xD

This is another reason why the japs are so f**ked up.

-------------------------------

On an unrelated note, i passed up the halloween pic i did in the previous post for one of the imagination pieces of simplified figures. Comments i got from my tutor SS?

"try not to make it so manga style...." ~SS

i don't blame him as my other piece was a futuristic catgirl leaping from buildings...xD

Still, i tried to make it realistic-ish but as another lecturer/tutor LW once said,

"style is hard to change overnight, instead why not improve it further using simplified figure techniques" ~LW

i wish i could but the industry is especially cruel to visuals done using manga style orzlll

The general public has been brainwashed by westerners all these years that they feel much more comfy with the western style. Manga style is seen as low culture instead. How can i blame them? Tom, Dick and Harry these days can churn out [manga/NarutardxSasugay/SnapexHarryxDumbledore] art with little effort. i dare say it is over-saturated.

The irony is i'm beginning to see western cartoons moving towards this style. (e.g Ben 10, PPG, Avatar)

so i'm liek wtf?
screw you biatches ima doing what i like and you're not gonna stop me. i can foresee a bleak future for myself tho....

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween doods! Busy as usual but i can't miss this chance up.
Have a treat on my waifu.

trick or treat?

Although i don't celebrate Halloween but i always look forward to it. Much more than my own birthday or anything. Weird you say and i think so myself too.

Thank you my homies!

Thanx for the wishes peeps!

But it was just like any other Sunday, so it didn't feel like it hahaha.

Back to work.

Beginning of the End

The ice has thawed a bit and am less demotivated.
I think working a bit on my personal works helped. (and no not because it is pervy stuff)

is this where i'm supposed to wear it?
inspired by Aya Hirano's closet malfunction

Still, i can't recall when was the last time i had the most restful sleep eversince the start of sem.

Fight on Kai!
i shall persevere even if it comes down to a one-man-island.

Killing me softly with his song

...the song of TOA

i'm getting mentally and physically fatigue. i know i signed up to expect this but when it hits it gets tough to fend it off.

It's not that the work load is any different from previous sems. Subjects this sem are pretty interesting as well, so far with nothing i really despise since most of the work involves doing it the practical way and getting dirty with paint.

But it is like i have nothing much to look forward to daily (except handing in my assignments of course). To make matters worst the spark and life of the class is gradually fading as more of us fall back when we fail to jump over higher hurdles. Sad to say our class jester wasn't exempted. We adept and move on again. The class forms a yet another closer bond since our numbers dwindle again.

Work wise, is it me or i feel our standards are dropping compared with our seniors or are the lects just being evil in showing us the REALLY REALLY GODLIKE works collected over the years. Have i set expectations of myself too highly? Although i know all of us improve ever so slightly but like Beng said, we look at the destination more often than the journey.

How true... those words bring some comfort. I can only hope to reach those levels some day.

Speaking of which my sleeps are getting more and more disturbed. No not nightmares of getting harrassed by sweaty muscular men but dreams related to TOA. If there are assignments left undone, although it is not due the next day, i would find myself having fitful rest in between naps. I have even dreamt of waking up late and missing class, only to suddenly jerk awake covered in cold sweat in the wee hours of the morning.

Sigh, lately my blog posts consists nothing but rant or emo posts. I think i'll take a short break from this place until i get out of this phase. It's a cycle and i'm finding ways to break it.

Tired.....so tired...

Demoralized

._.

i have no idea why and i hope to get out of it asap.

This sem is supposed to be the sem i'm waiting for. Where i start learning proper CG skills.
But, somehow i don't feel up to it.

Having low esteem problem with my works also lately.
i think i'm in a temporary slump. i hope.

Sem starts

And so it starts today.....

-----------------------------

On Saturday Monash had its convocation, and i attended it to meet up with my graduating Uni buddies. Puss...we need to go out for yam cha more often. Got holes ignore bros!!! watch it you.

I freagin haet you Monash.....you didn't prepare vegetarian meals when it was my turn. This year you had it. bastards!!! I ate my fill this year.

-----------------------------

On Sunday my old high school buddy came over and dropped his PS3 over at my place. Ian if you're reading this, you are freaking crazy you know that. But i likes it becoz i benefit :D

It will most probably collect dust anyway, since i don't have much time to play games. Still, i sure as hell feel dam lucky cause i had the chance to try out BlazBlue. I still haven't got the hang of it, so it feels pretty sucky right now. You better live up to the being the successor of Guilty Gear.

-----------------------------

Commission i'm working on right now. Madness when i have to start outlining it.

Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha slight yuri action fanart.

Time to hit the sack to rise early for tomorrow's bullcrap.

Why why tell me why??!!

死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死死

杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀杀

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Next sem monday to saturday class again....WTF is wrong with you TOA. This is not how you should kill your students although it will be achieved gradually. i know i paid money to enter hell but this is too much aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaa..............

i don't mind busy, packed schedules/assignments but 6 days per week???!!! i thought that shit was over with together with my foundation days. Weekends was bad enough trying to work on pending assignments, now another day lost for doing work!!! aieeeeeeeeeeeeee...............!!!!!

Petrol dam cheap issit!!!! time not precious one issit. i gotta drive 6 days to college!!! Another notch to non-environmental friendly art college. As if wasting paper wasn't enough. You people should learn how to go green.

-_-

This round the sem break was shorter, i said nevermind. Sem break only ma, it's ok. Turns out something worst awaits me at the end of it now. Time given for self exploration is getting less and less. Social life no need to say. Not that i had any to begin with.

Oh and i'm already raving and ranting this much despite not having attended a class yet. i bet there are even worst stuff coming up soon. There is bound to be one or few subjects which purposely make my life miserable and wonder what the whole point is. Just wait, i can feel it sending slight tremors up my bones already.

-_-

Maybe i should just take less subjects and take a longer time to graduate. At the current rate i'm going i might suffer burnout even before i start working. Seems like each round i tell myself i'm gonna die from the stress of studying for another diploma after my degree. But i always emerge triumph. I wonder how long more my weathered body will last through another tsunami, each more powerful than the previous.

Sigh...time to seek solace with my my 2d beauties.

Gothic Lolita again

Like i was saying previously, i'm on a streak for gothic lolis. Pity sem break ending soon or i would have loved to do more.

Going for the 'Sweet' Gothic lolita style this time.
Man i suck at drawing flowers.

Another step by step on how i work.

i'll go straight to the outline this time.


Filling in of basest colors. Each diff color on diff layer.


Beefed out some of the defining light and shadow areas.


Touched up the shadow areas again and filled in the base colors for the flowers.


Defined the shades and highlights for the flowers until i'm satisfied that it looks at least like a plant.


Added in more corny graphical elements into the background and touched up the gal.

Hmmmm, cavities yet anyone? Sorry for the dental bill it's gonna incur for you. ;D

Happy Birthday to my Waifu

Happy Birthday to Hatsune Miku (31st August)

What have i become?

i am turning creepy and crazy 8D

youtubezzz
warning: do not watch when alone and in the dark

art based on the vid:

normal sketch


reverted it into negative


final product made in wallpaper size, if you're mad enough to use it. i know i am and is currently pimping it as my desktop wallpaper.

Trying out diff stuff. Looks unfinished but i wanted the untidy strokes to give it a creepy feel, just like the vid. Added some texture to it so it doesn't look too flat. Spammed the song non stop while working on it 8D

i'm losing some marbles...

Gothic Lolita

Oh my sweet fetish, gothic lolita <3

how i missed thee i have a thing for laces, frills and straight fringes.
i feel that it brings out the elegance and femininity of women.
i plan to start spamming gothic fashion in my art again.

Here's another step by step on how i work through my stuff from scratch

The very initial rough sketch. i like to use diff colored outlines so that i don't mess things up.


Outlined the figure.


Outlined the background.


Filled in the basest colors and started shaping out the shadow areas before i start detailing.


Touched up the shadow areas and added a heavier tone to the darker areas. Tweaked the color to a bit less saturated.


Added the shading for the background. Again i darkened some shade areas and tweaked the colors until i was satisfied.

i realised how i missed cging in cool colors. Lately all i've been doing is color in warm, reddish purplish hues.

i used to shun gothic lolita fashion when i was first introduced to it. That was around 6-7 years back when i was still pretty shallow (still is now). Every time i see someone posting artworks on this theme i didn't spare it a second glance. I thought then this style was dark, scary, taboo-ish. I had no idea why i thought that way at that time.

Now? i dig it. i give thanks to the day it was founded. if i ever get a gf she'll be unfortunate enough to end up being dressed in this fashion at least once by me. (i hope)

*ahem*........ anyways, what i was trying to get at is that to keep minds open at all times. Don't turn down something the first time. Give it a chance to digest in the mind and by then it's your choice not to like it. i learnt not to judge something immediately now but to look indepth and give it a chance before signing it off.

End of Sem + GACC

Finally sem break is here! though this round i don't think it's very long coz our classes got dragged another week.

Anyhow, this post features some of the works did during the sem.

Typography CD cover, non of the images belong to me although i did trace some of them in Illustrator.

outside

inside

CGPP board game

mix of Smarties and Katamari Damacy

Illustration Fundamentals Final. Wish i did a better job but i'm not brave enough to venture beyond using color pencils alone. I always have fear of trying new stuff without prior guidance.

uugghh i suck at the composition

-------------------------------------

Prior to sem break, last weekend was GACC (game,anime,comic, convention) down at Malacca. It was a 2 day event and i had to drive down to and fro for 2 days, fortunately swapping between my bro and me.

Turn out wasn't so good this year, since everyone is so hyped up about H1N1. Can't blame them after the number of deaths reported. Anyways, overall the event wasn't as awesome as previous year and it's not because it is missing the Seiyuu. Well, it's just lacking i guess, from the way things were organized down to the control of the event. Anyhow, the Emcees were still as awesome.

Day 1 character design competition which i again joined and bagged nothing :D
Sorcery is the theme given this time and, knowing the mass majority will draw witches (which 2 out of the top 3 bagged the position, 1 was a sorcerous), i decided to go for witch-doctor-shaman-thingy, to which i think i might have fared better if i drew witches lmao. Well, trying to do something different sucks sometimes huh? xD

oh my, maybe this looks more like a fairy, but it's still sorcery ain't it!

Regardless, i still enjoyed it and i can feel my brain juices really flow when a time limit is imposed. Time for some humble pills, i'm just not there yet lol. But i'll keep trying until i do again! Just like the gold medal for my Hammer piece.

Driving around Malacca town, i noticed a shop which coincidentally has my nick on it, "KAIZER" in caps and yellow in color with a stark red background filling. It's a food outlet selling chicken and something i can't remember. Too bad din manage to snap a pic of the sign board. XD Now i can tell people i have a restaurant in Malacca.

-------------------------------------

On day 2 since there were no competitions to join (YES GACC, WHAT HAPPENED TO GUILTY GEAR TOURNAMENT???!!) Surface doujin group leader Pcmaniac aka Peach, mutilated Mio from K-ON...

wat the....CAN'T UNSEE!!!

his original piece that was sold in the K-ON set...

And so, i decided to have my own revenge on him when he went out for lunch...

XD Yui?

original piece courtesy of PC again...find his works here > Peach Artworks

I had a good laugh over it and we burnt each other's eyes out. Almost made an all out war drawing each others gallery into manly renditions. Fortunately we came to an agreement not to.

Later i got commissioned to draw my own character here below. Strangest request yet since usually fanarts are the things requested.


Got back from Malacca and KO-ed. Took a long time to fully recover my energies. Long distance driving suxxors.